Notes from
He’s Just Not That Into You
By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
These are the notes that I took while reading the book. I found some information that might be of use to some. The book has some great advice in it, but I cannot agree with everything in the book due to my moral stance.
Wasting time with the wrong person is wasting time.
You should not waste the pretty.
I am tired of seeing women in Bullsh*t relationships.
When a guy is into you he will let you know.
Stop making excuses for him; his actions are screaming: he’s just not that into you.
The minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.
Move on and find the guy you are supposed to be with.
He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out.
If a guy wants you he will find you.
If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.
Its not that he is not attracted by your looks it is probably he is scared of “love” commitment.
Deal with men how they are not how you would like them to be.
If you have to do the asking out 9 times out of 10, he’s just not that into you.
You are worth asking out.
Men are never too busy to get what they want.
100% of men polled said they’ve never been too busy to call a woman they were really into. As one fine man said, “a man has to have is priorities.”
If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.
Hanging out is not dating.
There seem to be so many variations to dating, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. So many gray murky areas of vagueness, mystery, and no questions asked. Dudes love this time because that’s when they get to pretend they’re not really dating you. Then they also get to pretend they’re not really responsible for you feelings.
Any guy that can wait two weeks to see you, is just not that into you.
100% of guys polled said “a fear of intimacy” has never stopped them from getting into a relationship. One guy even remarked, “Fear of intimacy is a urban myth.” Anther guy said, “That’s just what we say to girls when we’re just not into them.”
If you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask.
Don’t date any man who doesn’t know why he does things.
Ladies, don’t let your desire to be loved and feel affection cloud your judgment (Like a big tall glass of scotch).
Love covers commitment-phobia.
Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you. Because he’s not really saying he doesn’t want to get married. He’s saying he doesn’t want to get married to you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, needy, of “unliberated” for wanting that.
If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it’s your relationship that is insecure, not his bank account.
I believe one foot in is the same as one foot out.
Don’t spend your time on a give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.
100% of the guys polled told us they would have no problem marrying a woman who they were positive was the love of their life. One man answered, “What kind of knucklehead has a problem marrying the love of his life?”
If you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about? Time to take inventory.
There’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.
100% of men polled said that when they broke up with someone, it always meant that they didn’t want to go out with them anymore.
Cut him off let him miss you.
He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.
100% of men polled who had “disappeared” on a woman said that at the time they were completely aware of what a horrible thing they were doing, and no woman calling them up and talking to them would have changed that.
No answer is your answer.
Don’t give him the chance to reject you again.
There’s no mystery- he’s gone and he wasn’t good enough for you.
If you’re not able to love freely it’s not really love.
A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one worth living out loud.
If he is really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. Or he will make it clear to you how he feels, so there’s no mystery, and tell you up front that he’s not up to it right now. And then you can best be sure, the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you.
If you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.
People are complicated. They are a mixed bag of lovable and dysfunctional qualities. That’s why they are so darn confusing.
Is he making you happy? I don’t mean some of the time, on rare occasions, not that often, “ but the good still out weights the bad.” Does he make it clear in his actions every day that your happiness is important to him? If the answer is no, cut him loose and go find a man with a higher “good count.”
100% of the guys polled said they have never tried to torture or humiliate a girl they were really into.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
Have faith. What other choice is there?
We want you t think of yourself as the rule. Thinking of yourself as the exception is what going to get you into a mess.
Set standards for yourself.
Seemingly innocent words and phrases that can also be used for evil
| What it should mean: | What it sometimes means: | |
| Friend | I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. | I’m just not that into you. |
| Busy | I was just inaugurated president of the United States today. | I’m just not that into you. |
| Bad Boy | A guy you should stay away from. | A guy you should stay away from. |
| I’m Not Ready | I can’t find my pants. | I’m just not that into you. |
| Call Me | I just dropped my cell phone in the ocean and I lost your number | I’m just not that into you. |
| Not Into Family | I don’t want to date your mom. | I’m just not that into you. |
| Fear Of Intimacy | A fear of being intimate | I’m just not that into you. |
Love is a drug. I know not the most original of concepts, but it’s true. And sometimes no matter how rehabilitated you are, the drug gets you. Particularly if it’s been a long time since you’ve used the drug – then it really can take hold. Love is something most of us want very badly in our lives, sometimes more than we even want to admit, and when we get close to getting it, when we are reminded of how great it feels to have it, even if it’s for a moment, even if it’s just a whiff of it, we may forget everything we believe in. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We understand.
(Bonus) From the movie He’s Just Not That Into You
Sometimes we are so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t. The ones who will stay from the ones who will leave. And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe it’s you on your own picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts through all the blunders and misread signals through all the pain and embarrassment you never, ever gave up hope.
